I pulled a box out of the closet and opened it. All the memorabilia from my children’s school years…my journey as a mom and all it’s feelings came flooding back. I own each and every morsel of those feelings, too. I loved my boys back then…but most days, I really did NOT find joy in being a mom…it was SO, so hard.
(click on some of the pictures to be taken to my aRound Parenting Joy photo album; you do not even need to have a Facebook to see the album…I’ll be adding more, so check back occasionally, too…)
I could write about all the trials and struggles of raising a child on the autism spectrum, but WHY? There’s enough of that to read all over the internet. We all know there is. When you “join the club” of parenting a kid with any disability, from mild to severe, it’s going to be a REAL intense journey. Wait, let me take that back! PARENTING ANY CHILD IS AN INTENSE JOURNEY. If parenting was “exercise” (actually, it IS!!), then having a child with a developmental and communication disorder or any learning differences, let’s just say that makes it “higher cardio”…”extra weight” added to really BUILD those parenting muscles!
Maybe I can just slightly give you a quick overview…like I can remind you that we forgot about HAVING A LIFE outside of devoting every once of your energy to helping our child. Besides having our youngest son diagnosed with autism, we also had the extreme pleasure of having an older child diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder at the SAME TIME. Finding babysitters was NOT a reality in our world. RESPITE CARE was, but it was far and few between, since we had to get it from the county, and it was only allowed every so often. That’s right, we qualified for county assistance to get some program help. Looked for every sliding-scale thing we could. How about the fact that we had to get family counseling, go to play therapy, attend doctor visits and seminars…all this instead of going out to dinner or eating even fast food. My oldest ADHD son spent more time in the principals office than the classroom…more hours in time-out than playinig. Our youngest autistic son spent more time with objects than people. He was content, don’t get me wrong, but I longed for him to look in my eyes and TALK to me…PUT WORDS TOGETHER…SAY I LOVE YOU…would he EVER engage more with us or with the WORLD??? Would my oldest son actually live through his teen years? Would he end up in prison? Would EITHER of them be able to attend regular high school, much less college? EVERY DAY WAS EMOTIONAL! Fighting, screaming (why we got therapy and learned skills to cope)…I wondered what it would be like to have a child that could sit down and do homework? What was it like to have a child that didn’t get separated from the class constantly? BOTH my children were picked on by other kids on the playground or walking home, but that really didn’t bother me. I knew my kids were going to be OK…and WHY??! We showed them how to LOVE even when it’s really hard (after all, that WAS what we were doing with them, and we reminded them!)…we taught them to control THEMSELVES…we modeled for them how to CARE about others and help others, to be kind…and MOST important, we taught the
m early about LAUGHTER.
Yep. A sense of humor helped balance ALL this stuff out. As much as we had to dish out consistent parenting (I mean we were like a boot camp!), we always found a way to make it end in giggles after the serious stuff was dealt with. Sometimes we would double over in crying laughter. If they were having a bad day, we’d use something fun as a diversion. PRAISE them up & down…FINDING something to praise them about. Laughing at things that were ironic and being sarcastic. NEVER FORGET that ADHD & autism kids can say & do THE CUTEST and FUNNIEST THINGS! THAT is a HUGE gift and such joy! SO we USED this to our advantage! Our kids probably had a more keen sense of humor than most kids around them…quite honestly, I think it was like a layer of armor for them and us, as well.
I love my boys even more today than back then. It’s all about perspective…I didn’t think I could love them any more than I did when they were little. Then they grow up to be amazing adults…and it’s a whole NEW feeling. Our laughter today is EVEN MORE meaningful…because we look back and can laugh at stuff we ALL went through together. NOW we experience REAL joy together…and I NEVER even DREAMED that would happen when I used to lay awake at night, having my parenting pity-party back twenty’something years ago! I wasted SO much time worrying and whining in my head! (OK, I did it out loud, too, but it was ALWAYS with a sense of humor!)
I challenge you to look for LOTS of opportunities to LAUGH in WHATEVER situation you are in. Do you ever do that? Has it helped? Parenting, marriage, family, friendships, work relationships, community involvement…maybe things are not optimal or ideal, but you DO what you gots to DO to get by. Lighten the situation by looking at it with a new angle, one you can laugh at for a bit. Helps add joy now…and I have discovered it helps with joy YEARS later!
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