This is Part 2 of the story about the day my daddy passed away. Part 1 was mainly a little family history and you can find it HERE…please read that one first. Originally written and posted  back in 2005, on an old blog I used, “AroundJoy”…I also posted a copy of it on Facebook in a “Note” back in 2010, to reflect and remember all my blessings. 

One more time, here’s to you, daddy…

It’s hard to fathom how your world can change so drastically in one second…at least, until it actually happens to you. If you read Part 1, you know that my father died November 16, 1981…and that was the first time EVER, up until that point in my life, that I felt like God put me EXACTLY where I was suppose to be…and on that particular day, I needed to be home. I wasn’t suppose to go that day, but due to a work conflict, I did.

We Went Shopping

In my last post, I mentioned that my mother had taken me shopping (well, I took her….remember, she was older and moved much slower than me) and on our way out of the mall, we passed by this store, “The Wild Pair”…I had fallen in love with a pair of shoes in the window, but she was tired, wanted to get off her feet and stop our shopping trip. We were on our way out to the car, when sweetly, she agreed to let me run back in and get the shoes if I made it real quick – which I did! I was SO happy…they were just what I had been looking for…leather, with a stacked heel.

Then, as tired as she was, she mentioned going over to see my older sister in Garland. For the life of me, I still can’t remember why we went over there; she probably wanted to see her grandkids and I liked visiting with my sister and brother-in-law, too. I couldn’t say “no” since she had just take me shopping, after all. It was getting to be dinner time, and I do remember being concerned that daddy would wonder where we were. Keep in mind, this was before cell phones…we just talked in the car about how we should call daddy when we got to my sister’s, so he would know we were safe and didn’t get attacked or mugged while shopping. It was about to be dark almost, and he did worry when momma and I were out alone after dark.

A Trip To My Sister’s House

We arrived at my sisters and tried to call daddy at home, but there was no answer. I really do remember thinking that was very odd and getting a funny feeling about that. He was suppose to be home. He had no plans to leave, and he should have been finished with his outdoor work (yard, washing the car) by then. We visited with my sis, her family and then tried to call once again…still no answer…I was a little more worried, but we just all concluded that he must have really been into some project in the garage or backyard (I still had a little “feeling” of something not being “right” – that same little voice that always told me that one, if not both, of my parents would not be alive on my wedding day – I don’t know any other way to explain it).

It seems we stayed about an hour or so…and I even think we tried to call daddy one last time…when he still didn’t answer, we just decided we would find out what he’d been up to when we got home. Maybe he went to get us some dinner somewhere…doubtful, but maybe?!? I seem to remember us talking about hamburgers.

Once We Got Home

When I pulled into our driveway, that’s when my stomach began to have that real uneasy feeling. I think that’s the adrenaline. My heart started to pound faster. My parent’s brown 1969 Buick Skylark was sitting in the driveway, with the two front doors wide open. The wash bucket was next to the car, and the towel was slung over one of the open doors, just as it looked when daddy was washing the car when we left earlier that afternoon. The garage door was even still up. Everything was dark, no lights were on. I just knew something was not right.

As I stopped the car, mama noticed none of this. She was talking about having to go to the bathroom really bad and how glad she was to be home. I knew it would take her some time to make it from the car inside, as she walked pretty slow due to her health. So I knew this was my chance to go on inside ahead of her, and it’s a walk I’ll never forget. Y’all, I was totally scared of what I might find. We had been burglarized in that home several years before, and this brought back memories of that. I was the first one inside the house that  night, too.

Yes, THIS night I think I just somehow knew  that I needed to get inside before mama.  I kept moving in slowly through the open back door in the garage, through our laundry room, and I remember calling loudly for daddy, letting him know we were home. I peeked around the corner and I could tell the TV was on in the den. I could see the lights flickering in the darkened room ahead. I saw the back of my daddy’s head, as he sat in his recliner in there, too. I could tell his head was tilted back and he was asleep – a position I was familiar seeing him in – he fell asleep there all the time. I called out again as I approached him from behind, but he didn’t hear me. I decided to turn on the light…surely that would wake him up.

When I Knew

As the light came on I immediately noticed he looked different – his color was just not there. I just knew he was gone. Still, l had to touch him, give him a quick kiss on his sweet, bald head to be sure…and that was all I needed to do. He was cold…must have died in his sleep…his head back, mouth slightly open, each arm rested on either side of the recliner. Even his boots were still on his feet, but just loosely unlaced, as he did whenever he first came inside from working. He had his jumpsuit still on, unzipped to the waist, with his white t-shirt underneath. He looked peaceful and asleep…all signs pointed to him resting or taking a break during washing the car…perhaps he was in pain and went inside to take it easy. He left everything outside and came in to rest a minute, perhaps. In the end, he died doing what he loved…WORKING. The autopsy would confirm what we all suspected…a heart attack. He had been having pain for years, most likely….he had carried Rolaids and Tums with him all the time…for years.

Have you remembered that mama still hasn’t made it into the house yet!?  Everything I just mentioned probably happened in about less than a minute…it just seems like it was slow motion, looking back…it was the most surreal event of my life up to that point and I was only 21, too…I hadn’t had a lot of life experience yet.

After I gave daddy one last look, I quickly I ran back to the garage door and mama was just making it to the steps at the back door to the garage. I stumbled for the right words. I said something like “I think something happened to daddy.”  Remember, I had to think quickly and I was trying not to upset her. WHAT was I thinking?!? Her husband was dead. How was I going to make it any better?!? He was in the next room…DEAD. She seemed confused and had to pee really bad all at the same time, bless her heart! She shuffled to the side of the chair and I remember her just beginning to weep, crying out “Oh, Joe!” It was so very sad and there was NOTHING I could do. She told me to call my sister and amazingly she pulled herself together enough to scoot off to the bathroom.

I went over to the desk and made the phone call. Again, the words could barely get out of my mouth. I told my sister something like “daddy’s gone.” She asked “Where’d he go?” I said “He’s GONE!” and she again didn’t understand and asked “What do you mean?” I think we played that game for about a minute before she got the idea and from there it is all kind of a mish-mash of memories…

The Surreal Craziness

The paramedics came. They tried to shock daddy’s heart, almost like they did it just to make mama feel like they tried to do something at least…but he had been dead too long. Relatives came over, too…MANY of them. That was just TOO much, as you can imagine – Italians and dead people – it got pretty loud with all the crying and wailing. They were all there even before the paramedics arrived. Everyone got word of daddy’s death within minutes and everyone lived pretty close by. I just kept wanting the ambulance to get there and take his body so everyone would leave.

I’m just SO grateful that I took one more quiet moment alone with daddy just before everyone arrived. I kissed him again gently on his cold, bald head. I’m so glad I did that. I felt like I had only one more opportunity and I took it…a few minutes later, all the craziness started once the “circus” arrived…and “they” were there LONG before the paramedics, like I said. It was like an impromptu “wake” and we hadn’t even had the funeral yet.

I do remember sitting and looking out the front window and crying as the paramedics put daddy’s body into the ambulance….and then mama was sitting in a chair all quiet in the room with me, while all of daddy’s family were chatting and carrying on in the den where daddy had been. It was sad.

My sister insisted that mama and I to come spend the night over at her house, which we did. I didn’t go back to Denton that night. I needed to be with my family. After all, that’s where God intended me to be that day, he made sure of that.

Dreams and Nighttime Rituals

This whole experience was intense, as you can imagine. I used to have this dream about daddy quite a bit, a recurring dream – he’s in the recliner and I’m trying to wake him up. Then he pops open his eyes and with a quick “wink” he chuckles, “Gotcha!” I had it a lot in my 20’s and 30’s…it used to spook me! Then it started making me kinda giggle when I woke up from that dream. My daddy was very funny and loved to joke around. He had even done that kind of thing to me before, when I was little, pretending to be asleep and then startle me just as I got close to him. I guess that’s why the dream is so real.

Another reason I think the whole “sleep” thing sticks with me is partly due to that day, but also it’s simply due to our nighttime rituals we had growing up. I explained in Part 1 of the story about my daddy always coming in to tuck me in and kiss me goodnight as a little girl. He continued to come tell me goodnight as I grew into my teens. I would be up late, and before he went to sleep, he’d come to my room and I’d get up off my bed, my floor or whatever and go to the door and give him a kiss. My mama did that to me, too. In turn, if I came home after my parents were in bed, I’d go to their bedroom and kiss them goodnight. They taught me that and I carried it over into the bedtime ritual with my own boys when they were younger. Even as they grew up, we’d exchange a goodnight hug and kiss on most evenings….and it always made me think of my mom and dad through the years,

A “GodWink”

I sometimes sit and think about how much my parents missed out on not being around all these years – being at my wedding, knowing my husband and children, not being here for the majority of my life – then I remember and KNOW that it was simply part of God’s plan. It ALL was shown to me on the day my father took his last breath. That whole day was just another “GodWink” like all the others that have filled my life ever since…it was simply the first of many. God really has blessed me so much over the last 40 years since this life-changing day…and believe me, sister, I never take one second for granted.

On the day my daddy died, I can honestly say that I was given a gift that has stuck with me all these years – I got to see him and say goodbye…I wasn’t suppose to be there, but I was – AND I received a huge blessing that is a reminder to me DAILY – God has by back and HE will always put me EXACTLY where I am suppose to be.

To learn that at the age of just 21 and carry it with me ever since…well…it IS truly a joy.

I invite you to also watch my Facebook LIVE video HERE where I talk more about all this…